I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
