u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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