I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
