If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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