I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
porn star boner night. come get it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
