He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
