Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
