So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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