Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
