you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
