Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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