Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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