So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
