i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
