bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
