You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
