I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
