Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I FOUND THE LEGS
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
