That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
barbara walters just said penis...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize