So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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