I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize