i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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