i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
