dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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