I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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