I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
