i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
