Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
