and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
