I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
dude. I can hear the air.
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