watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
