Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
