I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
