i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
