Well douche your snatch and let's go!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
