no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
