I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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