I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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