drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
