Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
