I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
