Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
