Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
