Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
