I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
