I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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