I love black thongs
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
