the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
