If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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