Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
