Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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