He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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