How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
