if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
