i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
