I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
