He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
