Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
