No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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