would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I checked into jail on foursquare
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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