I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
