went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
