how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
