Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
