when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
