i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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