I wish I could punch you in the face.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
