Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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