just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
