But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
