I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
