Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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