thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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