great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
