i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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