You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize
