I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize