Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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