Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
