Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
