My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You pole danced in your parka.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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