my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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