So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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