Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
