the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
