Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
