I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
