what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
being pregnant is like rehab
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
