I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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