marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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