i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
