My room smells like vodka and shame
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
