I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
