im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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