there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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