His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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