I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize