Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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