Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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