the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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