Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
