i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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