I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
