Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
