I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
