I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
