After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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