I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
