The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize