If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
